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2 of 3 | Part 1 Judge Yourself & Let No One Judge You | Part 2 Judge No One & Judge Others | Part 3 Judge God

“So don’t judge anything prematurely, before the Lord comes, who will both bring to light what is hidden in darkness and reveal the intentions of the hearts. And then praise will come to each one from God.” 1 Corinthians 4:5

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.” Luke 6:37

Or do you not know that the Lord’s people will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? 1 Corinthians 6:2

You judge a tree by its fruit. Matthew 7:16-20; Luke 6:43-45

Last time I wrote about rejecting other people’s judgment, how to judge ourselves, and when to stop.

Here, I explore balancing an outward direction of judgment. We need to identify a tree, but we’re also told not to judge. Sometimes I feel like the message I received was to never judge at all. But if we’re made in the image of the righteous judge, we shouldn’t squash that part of the divine within us.

But that bit of divine resides in a body with limited knowledge. I’ll also point out that our love for each other isn’t pure—so our judgement is tainted. The way we want to see justice is often like Jonah. We want God to withhold his mercy from others.

Humans love justice, or revenge movies wouldn’t be so fun—even when the revenge is over the top. God gave Israel the “eye for an eye” command, not to teach humans to exact justice, but to actually put a limit on retribution. He had to say vengeance belongs to him, not us. Israel (and all of mankind) naturally seek genocide as payment. An “eye for an eye” is God putting boundaries on judgement for us.

Outside the picture frame

I remember my dad commenting, “The best parents are people without kids.” Basically, it’s pretty easy from the outside to say what would fix a situation—when you are not required the sacrifice, work, or risk, and you aren’t the one missing sleep. Just because we partook of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil doesn’t mean we understand everything when we offer judgement on a platter of advice.

Peering into a family through snapshots doesn’t reveal much. And even if you’re close enough to regularly sit at their table, you still don’t know what you would do with that same combination of disease, personality, proclivity and finances. I’ve certainly puked solutions for problems I’ve never had all over people. I still have to catch myself from offering a one-sentence fix for a person’s lifetime of pain.

So, when I glance side-eye at my sibling’s faith journey, it’s a little like lifting eyebrows and telling God their father, “I read this great book that combines tough love with gentle parenting… you should probably pick a copy up, O Creator of the Universe.”

“Who am I to judge another’s servant?” Romans 14:4.

One problem is with the word judge. It can cover a spectrum from informed discernment to pronouncing condemnation. And there is a difference between judging someone’s actions and judging someone’s personhood.

Most people think of church as a judgemental place, but I’ve heard more from the pulpit about forgiveness (esp. for leaders,) and warnings not to judge because the same measurement will be used against me than when, why, or how to do judge.

Many times “do not judge” is used to tidy over damage done by those in authority. As though we are doing a service for God by mitigating his reputation for him and shielding his name. Just because Romans 14:12 says we will each give an account of ourselves to God, it doesn’t mean we aren’t accountable to each other.

I remember when one of my pastors who committed adultery had a statement read before the church. He wrote, “I, like David, have sinned against God alone.”

Sure… but there were a ton of people crying for only God being harmed.

I think two unofficial creeds we practice in church is “All sins are the same” and “By the grace of God, there go I.” So, since we’re all sinners—we try to give abusers of spiritual authority one more chance, and a little more grace. Sheila Gregorie has a good article about why sin leveling in church hurts us.

It feels like you know your pastor or podcaster because they share snippets of what they want to share every week. But you don’t know them. I finished Beth Moore’s beautiful memoir yesterday. Truly, there is so little we can know from the outside view of someone’s preaching.

Typically the only fruit we see is scandal from headlines.

First, just because a writer or pastor speaks an ideal from the pulpit, it doesn’t mean that he’s experienced it.

I taught karate for decades, but I’ve never been in an actual fight. I repeated things taught to me and trusted other people who said they’d been in a fight regarding how to move and react. It was all theoretical. I wonder how often people in the discipleship-for-sale industry are merely repeating what their mentors or silos have said.

The author of the Emotionally Healthy Leader wrote, “We can boldly preach truths we don’t live.” He writes about how when we are under another’s leadership, we assume that external markers of success mean all is well inside.

So, second, fruit can be faked. Especially for a little while.

I listened to an interesting interview that talked about why women (specifically) are leaving the church. Several of her suggestions resonated with me, so I’m glad I’ve hung onto my faith. (Although she did say that just because women are leaving the church, it doesn’t mean they’re leaving the faith.) One of the contributing factors may have something to do with the exposure of failings from the last generation of teachers. The fruit of gender submission grew ripe. We don’t want to eat it, now that we can see it.

Sometimes it takes a few decades, but God won’t be mocked. We, however, are duped from time to time.

It’s hard to consider the outcome of an ideology before it’s fully mature, but I think this has to do with never learning to exercise our judgement muscles. Always defaulting to “don’t judge because that means you’ll be judged harsher.” You want God to be as lenient as possible, so don’t point any fingers! Maybe he’ll grade on a curve…

Another contributor reinforcing non-judgement is the verse, “The heart is deceitful, and beyond cure, who can know it.” Especially when coupled with an inherent distrust of emotions. We quickly discredit our motives and feelings when we look out to judge. Or is it possible that this was something I felt in my female experience? Do boys grow up believing they have logic and the gift of spiritual discernment because of their gender?

But emotions can be a gift, and logic based on a lie can be dangerous.

I was sitting in a church recently, wanting to leave it. I prayed to God, “My heart loves these people, but my spirit and my mind are unsettled here.” The preacher got up and emphasized Jeremiah 17:9, saying that you can never trust your heart! I actually felt like God was teasing me and telling me to decide.

But the word for heart in Jeremiah could also mean inner man, mind, or will. So yeah, humankind’s unrestrained will is beyond wicked. Unbridled, there is nothing humanity will not seek to do. But—I also know that God promised to write his law upon our hearts. So we should stop telling everyone they can’t ever trust themselves and to repress that “uh oh” feeling. Sanctification is heading toward God curing our incurable hearts, minds, and wills.

See how the Hebrew Bible understood the heart, according to The Bible Project.

If…no matter what your insides say, no matter what you see, no matter what you feel… you always believe, “I can’t trust me,” you will be afraid to judge. But how can we be shrewd without judgement?

Samson was a hero

The way we interpret Bible stories is another practice that contributes to mistrust of the divine justice we have planted inside. We assume everything in the Bible is “biblical” in the context of approved and endorsed as a right action by God.

I remember listening to an elder counsel another man to “put your fleece out before the Lord” because, “that’s biblical,” he said. I’d already heard another preach, “Don’t turn a man’s doubt into a doctrine.” But I would not have contradicted an elder (even in private) when I was 29 years old. I still don’t always know when to call out what I observe. Paul said to prophesy according to our faith, so I see that as a faith issue on my part. Most of the time I would rather write about it and slink away.

Stop. My example here is a doctrinal difference and arguing over theology. If you see someone being harmed, call it out. Don’t feed the cancer with your silence. It is not a matter of faith to let abuse continue. We bless what we tolerate.

If you look at Gideon’s entire story, he did ask for and receive multiple signs from God. He also won a battle against impossible odds. Keep reading though, he took one earring from each warrior’s plunder as tribute. Then built an ephod that became a snare to his family, and to all of Israel. After he died, the son of his concubine slaughtered 70 of Gideon’s other sons to become king. It may be “Gideon-story-biblical” to test God, but if Gideon had just followed God in faith—I wonder what different trajectory his life and legacy would have taken. That’s biblical.

From the Bible Project: “Notice how the author never tells you directly whether Gideon’s actions are good, bad, or a mix of both. The biblical authors rarely offer this kind of explicit moral commentary. Instead, they invite you to evaluate a person’s actions by meditating on the story.”

Sometimes I have avoided the book of Judges. Maybe because I didn’t feel license to judge the judges. The Spirit of the Lord comes upon Jephthah, and he shortly makes a vow to God to sacrifice whatever first comes out of his house if God will give him victory in chapter 11.

Jephthah wins the battle. His only child, a beloved daughter, dances out of the house with tambourines to celebrate and honor him. I’m using The Bible Project to read through this year, and the devotion said, “Even though Jephthah gives a long speech about Yahweh’s past actions, his behavior proves he has forgotten Yahweh’s character.”

Don’t be confused in Judges 11:29 that just because the Spirit of the Lord came on Jephthah, that God approved of his vow. God’s empowering is not a loss of agency. We still have to decide what to do with what we see, or know, or have supernatural courage. We still have to prophesy according to our faith. The book of Judges charts the decline of Israel’s morality so that when each man does what is right in his own eyes, the best of who rises at this point thinks God approves of human sacrifice. Human sacrifice through idol worship was the very thing that made God remove the land’s previous inhabitants and the reason Israel lost rights to it.

If you hate that story. Know that I always hated that story. I hated how it mentioned she was a virgin (thanks for pointing that out, now I know she had value) and how she submitted to death by her father willingly. As though submission to someone’s sin pleases God. Most sermons about this come from the perspective of, “Be careful what you vow to God.” Without good judgement, you might think so long as you are a man after God’s heart, you’re entitled to a few Bathshebas. Or the role of a daughter is to submit to her father’s injustice. Generations of girls will make a holiday for her obedience.

I, like David…

As a child, I remember hearing slaughter stories from the Bible and being told, “Welp, God is sovereign.”

It’s true we don’t understand the ways of the Lord, but we need to be careful our spiritual bypassing doesn’t translate to, “Disassociate, and only read the sweet sidebar devotionals in your flower-decorated Bible. And don’t trust yourself.”

We are supposed to learn to interpret and judge actions when reading the Bible so we can discern what is good and evil. Sometimes by the sense of injustice that immediately boils up like indigestion, and other times by the outcome of the character’s life.

We are also supposed to judge in order to demonstrate to each other (and the world) what is good, and what is evil.

Sometimes you just need to hear somebody else call a spade a spade. When a Christian won’t admit an action was wrong, it looks to the outside world like we don’t understand right from wrong. When preachers circle the wagons, they are no longer a safe place.

The beauty is that God uses the flawed and gutless. Don’t elevate the flawed and gutless. Just because a hero of the faith did it—doesn’t mean God endorses it. You should start judgin’ the hell outta it.

Because if you are going to judge the world, you need to learn to discern the difference.

You, believer, if you remain in Him and seek his anointing, you have the Holy Spirit and no need for anyone to teach you. I said last week, that I think we know when we’re sinning—but sometimes only if we care to contemplate it. Listen to that incurable heart in as much as it is being transformed and cured. If this gives you pause because you fear some sort of Christian anarchy—there isn’t supposed to be a hierarchy in the body of Christ or a monopoly on discipleship-for-sale. I would ask you, “Are you jealous for the leader’s sake?” Mosses wished all people were prophets, and I think that was both God’s heart and a prophecy. Without discounting our need for a mixed-demographic body, discipleship, education, and study, we are all priests. We hold that role Mosses wished the masses would hold.

The BibleProject has a playlist called Do Not Judge. It goes over the differences between condemning, final judgment, and evaluating. How you first take the plank out, so you can see, then remove the speck… not, “never remove the speck.”

Making pie

While we think we are waiting for God to finish reading that parenting book, we can judge without pronouncing condemnation. Since it is the great accuser who gives an account of others to God, we don’t want to be a conduit of the enemy’s accusations.

Hebrews 13:7 “Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.”

Imitate it if you have judged the outcome of their life to be a result you want to follow. The appearance of faith needs also to produce the fruit of faith. Without condemning the father for being long-suffering with his servants, for the sake of your soul, judge what fruit you bite into. Judging actions is not judging personhood.

Will I prepare and eat this fruit? Will I propagate it?

Because if you are eating it, you will propagate it.

Submitting to authorities in your church is partaking. Ten verses after it says to consider the leaders we’re told they will give an account for how they watched over our souls in Hebrews 10:17.

But, remember, we will all give an account to God. We should take that seriously, because even though we try to sin-level in church, Jesus uses language to indicate that not all punishment will be the same.

It will be more bearable for some… says Matthew 10:15.

Some slaves receive few lashes, and some, many, in Luke 12:47-48.

And if someone leads a little one astray, it would have been better to die by drowning than whatever else is in store. Matthew 18:6

And in Hebrews it says, just think how much worse the punishment will be… indicating that some punishments will be worse. Hebrews 10:29

How then shall I live?

Micah 6:8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” In the end and right now, the God who sees knows both our intentions and our actions.

God sees the heart and the actions—and he requires both from you. In the parable of the Two Sons, we see that even thought the Pharisees appreciate the one who does the work with a disobedient heart—over the one who is sincere in his disobedience—Jesus isn’t impressed with either.

Now that I’ve had a few years to process the phrase, “I, like David, have sinned against God alone,” I have two Bible stories I want to share for perspective.

First, “Don’t let me fall into human hands.” I also do not want to answer to humans who have no natural restraint on retribution. When David counted his army in direct rebellion to God, the prophet Gad came to him and offered three different options for his punishment. David answered Gad, “I have great anxiety. Please, let us fall into the Lord’s hands because His mercies are great, but don’t let me fall into human hands.”

I’m intrigued by “let us” and don’t “let me,” but I think we’ve run out of time. If you read my husband-leader & wife-follower posts, you probably remember examples of submission to death. Because a leader’s actions affect you, be careful who you let sway spiritual authority over you. There is one Shepherd. I will always run to God for his judgement alone. Never expect human judgement to be safer.

Second, is the story of Eli in 1 Samuel 2. His sons were using their position at the temple of God to financially oppress people and sleep with women. Eli says to his sons in verse 25, “If one person sins against another, God may mediate for the offender; but if anyone sins against the LORD, who will intercede for them?” They didn’t listen to their dad because God needed to destroy them.

Using your privilege to exploit is a sin against God. And if someone sins against God, who will intercede? It resonated as a possibility that when David said “I have sinned against God and God alone,” he was actually taking a more humble stance than it first sounded. Because who can intercept that?

Fortunately for us all, there is a mediator between God and man. Because if he counted iniquity, who could stand? But when you are his, he will make you able to stand.

1 of 3 | Part 1 Judge Yourself & Let No One Judge You | Part 2 Judge No One & Judge Others | Part 3 Judge God

This is the first part of a series. The intention is for two more to follow, and I suspect I’ll have audio by that time. I started a post titled “May the Lord Judge Between Me and You,” but could not rein it in. I think I’ve whittled it down to three long posts, but it’s hardly exhaustive and I’m continually pondering. So much more could be said, and hopefully it just becomes fodder for all the conversationalists and contemplatives on my list. I mostly draw from Romans 14 and Colossians 2:16-23.

Never, never, never

When I was first married, a teenage girl told me she would never go forward for prayer. Everyone in the church would judge her because she needed prayer. She believed they’d be more judgmental about why she went forward than happy that she did.

When I was newly pregnant with my second, I invited a gay man who I worked with to visit my church. (I was pretty ignorant about the topic.) He was emphatic that people would never want him to enter the building.

When Sovereign Ground was in the early stages, a believer who used to be a (strip-tease) dancer told me she didn’t feel comfortable in church. She could never let anyone know her history.

I never understood these situations. Even with all my wonky beliefs, I’d somehow reconciled the notion that all sins are forgiven and we’re fully accepted. Otherwise, I did not see any use for Christianity. I still don’t. I do not have many things about my faith that I learned well the first time, but reconciled to God unashamed was one of them. I’m not sure my faith would have survived had I not seen God as my safe place.

Now that I’m older, I’ve learned more about personality types. Some people—especially those with a precise concept of right and wrong—feel judgement more keenly. Whether or not it’s there.

Although let’s be honest. Other’s judgement is there more often than not. Because it would be idiotic to never judge the right and wrong of something, or not to use our judgement.

Judgy in church

If you can see the Old Testament as a story of God’s enduring love and pursuit of mankind, and the gospels as that reconciliation to God, then most of the rest of the New Testament is how humans are to live together as disjointed people groups and sinful cultures melded in harmony.

Romans 14 talks about one issue preventing our community from coming together: the weaker and stronger judging each other. Just as 1 Peter 3:7 specifically commands husbands to honor their wives as a co-heir made in the image of God, but who lives in a weaker package, (either generally less muscle mass, or ability to protect and provide for herself in the first century.) I think Romans is also calling attention to the strength differences between all co-heirs who come in different packages. To be gentle with that difference, whether the weakness is mental, physical, financial, or spiritual. A stronger or weaker faith.

In the example in Romans 14, some people couldn’t eat meat because of their conscience. Some had no conflict in their hearts when they ate it. Let not the one who eats despise or hold in contempt the one who abstains, and if you don’t eat it, don’t pass judgment on the one who does. God has welcomed him.

We are to welcome that weaker person—and not quarrel over opinions, reasonings, or disputing matters. Maybe this is saying some matters are disputable, and some are not—don’t argue over the disputable ones. But if this includes “doubtful things and opinions” as well like some versions translate—how does that not include most of the Bible?

Can you hear the established denominations cringing? “Not divide over theology!? But how will I know if I’m on the straightest and narrowest way unless I’ve broken relationship over doctrine?”

I don’t know if I can answer that. I guess you’ll have to work out your faith in equal measures of fear and trembling, and unwavering faith.

Back to the vegan barbecue. Because we don’t eat meat sacrificed to idols, it might be possible to skip over the point of Romans 14.

Colossians chapter 2:16-23 gives other examples; instead of meat, it mentions holidays. Let no one judge you according to new moons and Sabbath festivals.

If we ignore the genocides, wars, and famines around the world and try to lay that right on top of 2026 west coast America, our division over holidays is more like avoidance of southerners who ruin sweet potatoes with marshmallows on Thanksgiving. (Maybe we have stronger dissension over Halloween in different faith flavors.) But it’s hard to imagine public humiliation, severing of family, loss of work or exile from the community over Sabbath observance, like the first guy who picked up sticks and was stoned by the community.

Let’s imagine some ways “stronger and weaker faith” plays out in other things we consume besides food. We disagree on ways to entertain and self-soothe. Books and movies with violence, or with sex? Since our personal threshold for titillation can vary and be altered, should you read fiction or watch movies at all?

I remember my fat pastor patting his stomach and ordaining Baptist potlucks while condemning playing cards.

Here’s my favorite way to highlight how Romans 14:3 plays out in modern fellowships:

The church who is deliberate to post on their website that marriage can be only between a man and a woman, and reads statements on Sunday morning clarifying a historical-biblical stance on sexual purity to visitors—you know, just so everyone is sure where they stand—but then hosts ongoing weekly men’s Bible studies for those poor guys who struggle with pornography. One flavor of sexual struggle must be vocally renounced, and the other can be embraced weekly as a men’s group. An identity they can “affirm” and hetero-bond over. (Meaning: no hugging, fist bumps only.)

Selective on the sin you endorse and normalize to the point of fostering it.

Don’t let me judge you.

The person who consumes media is disgusted by the one who shops, calling their excessive consumerism “holy capitalism.” One who is disciplined and rigid in their eating can hardly look at one who tries to soothe their brain with sugar. The sugar addict shames the alcohol drinker. Forget trying to peer around our plank. We not only justify our own stuff, we hang a flag on it. (#nospicebooks = #readlikeme )

Can you party like a first-century Greek? Or is it a church-level-up to forgo drink and dance like the Puritans did? In some respects, it would be easier if we were given a manual that says you can drink 6 fluid ounces of 12% wine that you paid taxes on each Tuesday, after 5 pm, if you are wearing blue.

But the Bible doesn’t lay out every detail. It gives the heart of God’s desire for us to live in community through the example of meat sacrificed to idols—but we are to navigate the unwritten—letting no one judge us.

Rejecting judgement

Religious and apostates alike snap their fingers and tell you to sit at a different table. So Colossians 2:18 warns against letting others disqualify you. People who are puffed up without reason in their sensual mind. Even people who make a living peddling Christian wares. Like well-paid celebrity pastors who sell us their reproducible methods for godliness.

We practice rejecting other’s disqualification by not letting them place rules on us. Keep going and see what Colossians 2, verse 23 says about rules, “These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.”

Hebrews 13:9 says it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not regulations—and here it specifically highlights regulations about food. Don’t get carried away, though, with any strange teachings that don’t benefit the ones who observe them.

Especially rules that do not promote oneness with God and others. (Like whether or not full immersion is required, or that the call of God is irrefutable.) And especially rules that look churchy on the outside—but have no value changing the core, the flesh. For example: girls must wear dresses to church. Men must shave facial hair. Don’t drink Diet Coke. I can assure you as a product of private school—making girls wear nylons, and forbidding aerosol hair spray did not change anyone’s heart about anything.

I take that back. It hardened my heart.

Fully convinced

Here is the clincher. Romans 14:5 says one chooses one day to honor, but another chooses a different day… each one should be “fully convinced in his own mind.”

Move down to verses 22-23 “The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.”

Whatever you believe about the details is usually better to keep between yourself, God, and sometimes the intimate relationships you walk life with. You don’t need to tell everyone whether the tax collector at your table has signed the Nicene Creed or not.

And if you’re fully convinced, you are blessed.

James 4:17 it says “He knows the right thing to do yet and does not do it, to him it is sin.” How fascinating—and how weighty—that God has put the accountability and the burden on each of us individually to seek him. Judge yourself.

This always gets me. I think we do know when we are sinning, even if we find a way to biblically justify it. I know from myself and others that humans are creative in justifying anything. One way I can suspect that something is wrong for me, even if I can justify it for myself—is if it makes me cranky when others do it. Example: texting and driving. Yes, I know texting is against the law, so it isn’t actually a gray area. But I only do it when it is appropriately safe. And that asshole is risking my life.

Judge for yourself both the doctrines that divide us and the ancillary details of how you live out your Christian life in your community and culture. It isn’t license to go against things clearly defined in scripture like, “don’t cuss or chew or hang with girls who do.”

For those who aren’t sure, that isn’t in the Bible, which is why we should search the scriptures for the difference between those good practices and non-negotiables. It probably will not be some rhyme you grew up with. But searching scripture for the heart and context (not specific words) will start to reveal God even if it doesn’t set up standards that apply on Tuesdays, after 3 pm when you are wearing blue.

There is another result of not laying out all the details in a comprehensive rule book. We foster intimacy with God when we come to him for our specific details. Not having a rule about blue cultivates wisdom when we step beyond “to do or not to do” situations and look at every situation critically and compassionately.

Continuously searching the Bible also diminishes the tendency to look up one verse and “claim it as gospel” or use an incomplete sentence as a two-edged sword to cut others down. The Bible is often uses specific examples like meat sacrificed to idols, or wearing a hair covering that no longer apply, but still illuminate a heart-matter in mankind.

The specifics don’t need to be regulated by others. Whatever you do, do it for God in his name. Sincerity in Colossians 3:17 probably opens up lots of things we haven’t been doing, and shuts down all kinds of things we’ve justified.

How to judge yourself

Even though I think we know when we are sinning, in our natural state, we suck at judging ourselves. Self-reflection can swing from unhealthy deprecation to comparison elevation—where it’s easy to find some shocking glimpses of humanity to elevate ourselves.

As I said in the post Take Luck, you can think you are measuring correctly until you use a scale. Paul said he wouldn’t have known he should not covet unless the Bible had told him not to. Use the Bible to look inside, to uncover your heart.

But to a cursory glance, it also seems like the Bible contradicts itself when it’s actually just keeping us from extremes. Counteracting overcorrection and preventing us from taking something too far. Examples: Do not judge … but judge a tree by its fruit, trade your burden with Christ … but take up your cross (burden) daily, and do not do your works before others … but show your works so others glorify God.”

So if you are still searching for inerrant prescriptive details, or trying to achieve sanctification through doctrinal precision—you should be careful using the Bible. Yes, I said be careful reading the Bible.

If you’re reading through in a year, you’re probably finishing Deuteronomy right now. I wonder how many of the Old Testament laws contributed to my childhood beliefs toward female virginity. If you take literal readings of Deuteronomy 24-25 outside of the context of ancient culture, you might think it is acceptable to God for a man to take a woman as booty after war, then grow tired of her, for men have more than one wife, and if any of his ladies fail to prove her virginity she should be stoned to death on her father’s doorstep. I don’t think female virginity (specifically) was as important to God as ignorant modern readings indicate. He was actually protecting women of the time from willy-nilly accusations and discarding. In an era where women can have a job outside of the home besides prostitution, laws about your rapist, to provide a future to you through marriage are unneeded. But the heart of protection over society’s vulnerable should remain.

And stop.

There’s a religious OCD manifestation that spins condemnation. Scrupulosity can be focused outward where there’s a fixated, obsessive compulsion to reiterate and argue morality. If someone has this, know that they have to close the loop to satisfy their brain. It doesn’t mean you have to stay and listen, but you do have to walk away unaffected.

It can fixate internally as well. Think of the person who wants to die because their something didn’t disappear through repetitive prayer. God answers many of my prayers, sometimes immediately, sometimes through years of laboring, but some struggles continue to prick me like a thorn. And some thorns, like bitterness, have deep, deep roots. We will not be completely rescued from this body of death until we are in the kingdom.

The weekly groups that talk about their struggle with pornography can be liberating because of the strange connection between shame and addiction. Yes, shame and secrecy give addiction a greater hold over you.

But talking about it constantly, affirming it as your personality or unique nature, and essentially fasting and praying over it nonstop, also embeds it into your persona. It becomes the only thing you think about.

Last Sunday the pastor preached on the Flood and said judgement never brings people to repentance. Only grace does. She said this because as soon as the earth was destroyed… Noah planted a vineyard, got drunk, and something dark happened in his tent…

So judgement cleansed the earth of violence, but they started sinning again right away.

It settled something I’ve been struggling with. On the mountain when Moses receives the 10 commandments, the Israelites make a golden calf and God becomes so angry he wants to start over. He wants to wipe them out and start over again, but this time with Moses. And I thought, “Didn’t you already try that once with the flood, God?”

If you’re unnerved that my heart cries out in question to God like that—wait until we get to the post “Judge God.” But also know that Moses went right into it with God and said, “If you kill these people in the desert, then the other nations will judge you.” I think the point about the story is more about Moses than God truly wanting to start over again.

It is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace. It is grace that changes us. Not judgement.

Confession and conviction

Sometimes we need help, someone outside to confess to—but in the process of confession you have already done some of the internal work of weighing yourself.

And then sometimes there’s conviction. In the times of my life that someone’s sin has been revealed to me, and I felt prompted to call it out, I felt no judgement. The times someone has approached me and convicted me of my sin, I’ve felt no judgement.

Not receiving judgement from others, doesn’t negate the need to have a community who sees you clearly. But compare the conviction and shame both Peter and Judas felt. Judas despaired and killed himself. Peter wept bitterly but returned. Conviction that leads to alienation is not from God. Conviction that leads to repentance and makes a way back, does. 

Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster talks about the discipline of confession. He says in preparing for confession, there must be a “definite termination point on the self-examination process.”

Definite termination point. Otherwise, we can easily fall into a permanent habit of self-condemnation. Maybe because we can be fooled into thinking that hating ourselves is not still self-obsession.

Confession can foster accountability. But I think a more valuable purpose is that even though judgement needs to be weighed internally, sometimes the sensation of forgiveness is experienced externally.

Which is why so many people inaccurately equate Christians’ rejection of them as God’s rejection.

What a loss to be so afraid that the hypocrites (humans) in church might judge you, that you cannot come to a place of vulnerability and openness! Because without honesty, there can be no confession, and without confession you remain in bondage to that fear of judgement. How will you heal in shame?

Of course, as I mentioned in the Praying Naked post, it’s right to use discretion and not be fully open in front of all people at all times.

Just as you have to make self-examination/judgment a discipline, make accepting forgiveness and walking in light a similar “conscious discipline.” You look at your sin. You accept that you are forgiven. You turn your back on both the sin and the condemnation.

Even if the sin keeps enticing. You move on from the judgement. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you’re going to exact appropriate punishment by continuing to wallow in regret of your failure. Don’t think that abasement finishes the work of the cross.

I like the way Mary Demuth describes this in Love, Pray, Listen. She says “As I grow deeper in my relationship with Christ, I’m realizing how fruitless it is to be my own sin-monitor. Even the Holy Spirit, when he convicts, does so with hope; the Spirit does not remind us later of our past failures in an angry tone.” She goes on to describe that micromanaging herself into perfection or “self-introspective despair” is a deeper issue of faith….learning to be Spirit-led versus sanctifying herself.

Don’t let others judge you. Use accurate judgement when considering yourself. Stop. And then move forward.